秋日的三稜鏡 The Triangular Prism of Autumn

[李秀]

 

一.童年的秋日

旦才破殼出來幼綿綿的鴨咪仔，佇五燭光的電火泡仔跤，用幼嫩靈巧的撒奶形，依倚佇四序的攬抱中。

 

雷光閃閃，秋風吹落雨點，澹濕的氣流踅過青仔埔。一片一片焦黃的葉仔、一蕊一蕊退色的花叢，位無人知影的角勢雄雄趖出來跳來舞去。毋管外面按怎風風雨雨，這个時陣我的後腦骨仔攏愛倒佇阿母軟軟綿綿的胸坎頂，身軀隨著伊的喘氣起起落落，耳孔斟酌聽伊講薛仁貴征東、王寶釧苦守寒窯十八冬、伶俐的細漢囡仔按怎修理惡毒的虎姑婆……誠好聽的故事，我一遍一遍撒奶阿母講了閣再講，就算伊足無閒，我嘛有辦法叫伊講。是故事的魅力，抑是數念予阿母疼惜的幸福，我嘛分袂清楚。
有時阿母較無閒，我就佮厝邊的囡仔伴，走去田中央走相掠，無著躡跤躡手創治田嬰，抑是拼死命纏綴兄哥in拍珠仔，佇日頭跤射落來五花十色的玻璃珠仔，相撞所發出來的清脆聲音，自頭到尾攏予我感覺誠心適（生成對旋律的佮意，成做後日仔對音樂的趣味）。見若in欲耍珠仔，我絕對欲綴著，兄哥的囡仔伴講我愛哭閣愛綴路，定定向兄哥抗議：「拜託你小妹莫來遮鎮跤鎮手好無，伊有够討厭的！」

原來我的跤閣擋著in彈過來的珠仔，若是這點，我一直攏足謹慎，但是珠仔滾輾的速度，攏比我的反應較緊，自按呢我變成in鑿目的查某囡仔。見若我予兄哥歹，我就會淒慘落魄吼，看著阿母我吼愈大聲，吼聲愈大表示予兄哥欺悔的程度愈大，當然囉，吼聲會隨著阿母罵兄哥的聲音慢慢仔細聲落來，我就是用這个法寶纏綴這一陣兄哥的囡仔伴。

In做夥毋是耍珠仔，無就是提著鳥phiak仔夾石頭，注神瞇一蕊目睭瞄準獵物，這个時陣我嘛開始無閒起來。見若榕仔樹頂飛來一隻鳥仔，我就連鞭雞婆（in講的）大聲共in通報。不而過，逐遍攏好心予雷唚，換來是一陣掃射的駡：「鳥仔攏予汝驚走矣，拜託汝較恬咧！」

我討衰仝款，家已恬恬坐佇樹仔跤，但是嘛專心看一仙一仙彎腰斟酌飄茫無定著的鳥仔群。當緊張的時刻，雄雄一團金星出現佇面前，頭頂一陣刺痛，我的雙手隨mooh牢頭殼，手心感覺澹澹黏黏，一看是血，「哇」大吼起來，逐家聽著我的吼聲趕緊走來身軀邊。兄哥將我抱牢咧，目睭青睨睨看彼个狡怪的人，第一遍感受著友誼，其中有人自動位橐袋仔提出一堆的珠仔囥佇我的面頭前講欲予我，但是叫我莫吼矣。雖然頭殼足痛，但是秋風吹來，撥開一層一層的烏雲，佇柔和的日頭跤輕輕仔飛，吼聲嘛輕輕仔飛走。平常時予人號做「狗綴路」，即馬煞變作「上勇敢的查某囡仔」。轉到厝，遵照兄哥的話忍痛共阿母講：「袂疼！」講嘛奇怪，流袂少血，嘴講袂痛，真正袂痛！不而過，這个袂痛的傷跡，即馬猶原閣有誠深的記號。

阿母無閒一工了後，倒佇眠床頂歇睏是伊上享受的時陣，但是一倒落來攏是喝遮痛遐痠，尤其是夏秋交替的季節，雙跤關節痠佮痛。若心情好，我會自動坐佇伊的尻川斗邊仔認真搥，搥甲予伊眞歡喜。我嘛感覺家己是一个友孝的囡仔，甚至閣為家己的行為感動，時常向兄哥in來展風神，講我是上乖的人；毋過，若搪(tng7)著我耍甲當趣味的時予阿母叫來，我會先佮伊出價参詳。伊講：「五百下。」我講：「三百下。」伊說：「一百下一仙。」看在錢的份上，我會儘量有耐性共搥。但是定定為著欲趕緊解決，算的速度會比動作較緊。心若放放，動作就離離落落，上尾佳哉聽著阿母講：「好矣！」我一秒鐘都無走閃，連鞭起來走到尾仔直去磋砣矣。

太平洋戰爭予美軍炸彈炸的一个水池，對我來講是幽美的大湖，就佇阮厝的門前差不多四百公尺爾爾。懸懸的竹抱仔佮低低的小野花，插濫圍佇菱角形的池仔邊。當秋風吹起，竹枝仔樹搖啊搖，竹葉仔親像吹啡仔叫啊叫，親像樂團咧演奏，鬧熱滾滾。另外佇水池仔內，鴨群悠游水中，in泅過的後面，有一條一條的水湧，湧佇我小小的心肝頂，起造一个童年的王國。見若我消失佇父母的目線，一定會當佇遮揣著一个頭頂縛兩條頭鬃尾仔、瘦閣薄板的小身影，當咧挖土、挽花……續落來規身軀難免的塗沙粉驚死道人，若掠轉來厝加減會予老母唸。伊一爿幫我褪衫褲，一爿洗我的跤手，淋佇身軀的水開始有淡薄仔冷矣。毋知是欲徙走老母的嘈嘈唸，抑是真正寒，我的身軀一直若勼、一直若顫，掠著阿母的手撒奶按呢講:「有够寒！」

阿母趕緊提衫褲幫我穿起來，舉頭看天：「嗯！秋天到矣。」自按呢我的身軀加(ke) 穿一領衫。

童年的秋日，親像日光佇湖水頂面跳舞，繡織永遠袂退色的花氈仔。想欲變做玻璃珠仔，時常會當發出迷人的旋律；閣想欲變做一隻田嬰，隨時會當飛佇草枝頂仔風騷，予人掠袂著；嘛想欲變成彼隻水鴨，泅佇竹林佮水萍當中自由自在。

二. 少年的秋日
嬌寵嫵媚予天地不仁的殘踏，位劇變愁苦之中，滾躘佇淒慘佮向望的路途。

 

彼年熱天母親雄雄結束家己的生命，狂風暴雨拍佇清氣的天頂盤，玻璃珠仔沉碎佇烏雲遮咧的湳塗窟，水鴨仔激死佇一窟烏水裡。死神共人強扭落來，彼條本底準備永遠欲結佇頷頸的紅寶石頷鍊，續落佇塗跤予車輦軋碎去，干單賰一片紅貢貢的血跡留佇沙塗頂。無母親的氣脈咧走跳，宇宙閣有啥物意義呢？
阿母出山的陣頭佇赤炎炎的日頭跤進行，親像起痟的一个查某囡仔拼命抱牢牢母親玉體倒佇內底的紅硃大厝，斟酌扛大厝的工作人員欲將伊親愛的母親搡向塗空內。雷雨交加，瘦弱的身軀欲按怎抵會牢「塵歸塵、土歸土」的大道理啊！

當我看清現實的世界，嘛知影父親無可能實現伊的約束，佇阿母的厝邊起一間小厝予我徛，這个時陣已經是面對秋風稀微，淒涼無比的季節。秋日佇潛意識內煞變成愁意的源頭。如果火種代表折磨，烈火赤炎炎絕對看袂著軟啁啁的火星佇邊仔咧哀叫，我干單管家己鬱卒，無管四箍圍的世界。當有一工佇睏夢中，聽著老父捶心擘腹的吼聲，劃破孤寂恬靜的暝暗，驚醒我漸漸沉落的神經，雄雄發覺生命中袂使干單停留佇童年的寵恿(sing7)慣勢。了後，我接受電信局的考試，有另外的生活空間，屬於少女的青春生命漸漸仔活跳起來。一身軀的烏衫参滿腹的不安，慢慢行向有希望的未來。

菅芒花白霧霧佇風中飛，飛向鐵枝路兩爿一直湠長，一叢一叢相思仔黃花踮佇斜坡搖來搖去，親像咧向我拍招呼，我就按呢行入百花齊開的花園散步。

有一冬的秋天，查某伴結婚，我做伴嫁。無時間加無空間的觀念，想講台南離高雄干單幾分鐘的路程，就参伊相約佇欲暗仔的時陣。但是拄仔好，彼日的喜筵拖到一、二點鐘，續落去回程的車閣故障，一畷路舞到三更半暝才轉來高雄。我想講伊無可能佇暗摸摸的田岸路佮蠓仔鬥陣戇戇仔等！當咧懊惱時間的無情，甜蜜總是離我遠遠，雄雄一道火焰的光照對我的面前來，續落去一陣機車碰碰叫的聲音向我這爿騎來，一頭予秋風吹散去的頭毛，一排笑文文的白嘴齒，親像守護神出現佇我的眼前，予我驚喜迷醉。隔轉日伊揣我去看伊為著欲消磨時間囓甘蔗留落來的痕跡。這世人第一遍相思仔花蕊攬抱佇心肝頂，初戀的歌就按呢隨我佇雲河系內分佔著一个所在。
第二年中秋暝伊對我講：「咱來覆鼎金陪阿母過中秋節！」伊誠了解我的心，不而過，佇暗時的荒山中，欲揣阿母的厝可能有困難，伊心頭親像大衛王的定著：「緊！阿母咧等咱食月餅佮柚仔矣。」見若講著阿母，我的目箍就紅，伊陪我做夥流目屎，陪我做夥悲傷。伊跪落佇阿母的門口埕獻香按呢講:「我這世人一定欲好好照顧汝的查某囝。」月光是記持的鏡，啡仔聲佇風中飛舞，這敢是叫做愛的誓言？
但是，誓言是啥？伊會當佇伊母親的威脅之下，親像泡花飛佇空氣的色水爾爾。伊牽著伊母親佮意的女子的手行入「致美齋飯店」禮堂，拄仔好就是我上班的厝邊，伊是有意抑是無意，欲叫我看這幕世間上美好佮上殘酷的場面？伊結婚的前一暝閣對我甜言蜜語：「無論天涯海角，我永遠佮汝做夥。」上天！汝敢會當向我解釋這是啥款的愛情？

少年是媠，但是秋色重重，一點仔都感覺袂出媠的甜味，若有，是毋是叫做淒美矣！

三. 成年的秋日
果子已經離開的果子樹，伊用一世人的堅持，佇日頭佮烏影之間。

佇查某囝的婚禮，我講：「今仔日查某囝毋是嫁『出去』，囝婿嘛毋是娶『轉來』，是in倆人結婚，相互結合，組成幸福。」
查某囝参查甫囝攏是仝款經過坐胎、病囝、生產，但是，當行入生命重要的斡角，佇人為的傳統世俗，就有「出去」、「轉來」的差別。人類自我束縛的禮節就有夠複雜，為何袂當較簡單一下，減少自我的困擾。自按呢，查某囝的好日子，我就有這點的強調，嘛感謝親家教出一个優秀的後生，會當予我的查某囝有一个幸福的家。
不而過，咱所徛起的所在，欠缺轉斡的空地，因為春日百花四界開，蜜蜂無閒甲翅仔互相撞來撞去。誠濟新人行入禮堂了後，出問題並毋是當事人的代誌，顛倒是四箍圍的人，無閒著欲顯示in的重量。掠我的故事來講，幾个仝款有一日會結婚的人，in就有耐性對兄嫂誠斟酌咧監督，續落去，閣有查某囝嫁出了後，無義務轉來後頭厝友孝的理論。總講一句，攏是愛兄嫂做厝裡一切的代誌就對矣。一向背骨的我，保牢我這个婚姻，誠實的，應該是當時in認為無路用兄哥的功勞。當然矣，有一工in嘛食到做人媳婦的滋味，阿有小可改變。人！為啥物愛等到家已試著滋味了後才來覺悟？生命有限，會當有幾个雄雄覺悟的清醒？
為着避免親愛的人行仝款的怨嘆路，我攏是好禮仔將伊發落好勢。查某囝結婚嫁到台中（事實上，高雄嘛準備厝欲予in徛，阮有戇想的理念）。現此時伊已經做人的老母，一年見無幾遍面，慢慢仔感受著形勢比人強，伊眞正是嫁「出去」矣。想欲轉來後頭厝，除了有形（空課参囡仔）的牽纏以外，閣有無形的阻擋。有一冬的秋天，囝婿衝破困難重重，走閃老父的注意偷偷仔佮牽手、後生來高雄，安慰數念查某囝参外孫的丈人、丈姆。不而過，這畷孝行煞付出代價，家庭起大風波。根是人類上基本的數念，數念根的所在煞需要面對難題，叫人行佇刺仔埔頂是無人道的。
靈巧的孫仔目睭仁烏白分明，咧耍七彩的稜鏡，人性原初就是按呢清純透光，干單經過傷濟汚染變成混沌無光。咱到底是佇外面咧看三稜鏡的變化，抑是佇三稜鏡內彼寡混動的色花？秋日的感覺隨著歲月風華人生變化，親像三稜鏡滾動無仝的變貌。
中年的秋日已夠份矣，無閣是春日的嬌滴滴，夏日的紅赤赤，是秋收的穩定。日時的歌已經唱過矣，欲暗仔的旋律予巴哈來奏平衡律，引導彩色的構圖來重起文學的情景，用真善美的恬心來開光暗晡的燈火。

 

The Triangular Prism of Autumn by Lee Hsiu

1. The autumn of childhood ---- the delicate flower opened its bud and cried, “Dear world, please don’t fade.”

The north wind of autumn blew into a hard shower, and puffed away a lot of leaves. The falling leaves and the fading flowers of autumn were caught in the rapid whirls of the eddy whose wider circles moved quickly along the ground.

I pillowed my head on my mother’s bosom. I was not only enjoying the rhythms of her breathing, I also appreciated the stories she was telling me. She described how a clever child dealt with the virulent Gu-Po Hu; how a chaste woman Bao-Chuan Wang waited for her husband for eighteen long years… I wasn’t bored, even after hearing these stories many times. I wonder whether I was attracted by the interesting stories or if I merely enjoyed snuggling close to my mother when she had leisure time.

Living with her extended family, my mother had a lot of housework to do every day. She was always busy. Thus I often went to the countryside with my playmates to play, such as pursuing fireflies, keeping silence to grasp dragonflies, or playing hide-and-seek…But my favourite activity was following my brothers to play with glass balls. Under the sunlight, the colorful glass balls were gorgeous. I especially desired the clear and crisp sound of those glass balls colliding with each other. Longing for the sound of melody, I wonder if I was already expressing my love for music.

However, when I trailed excitedly behind my brothers to watch their game of glass balls, I heard their playmates complaining to my brother about me.

“Please ask your younger sister not to come here. Her behavior is upsetting our game.”

Unfortunately, even though I was extremely careful, my feet often blocked their shooting. I always explained that the speed of the running balls was too fast for me to move in time. I became the focal point of their complaints. If my brothers blamed me for the mistake, I would act like it was the end of the world and run home crying to Mother. The more loudly my brothers yelled at me, the more loudly I cried. The sound of my weeping gradually disappeared as my Mother scolded my brothers for neglecting to look after me. Certainly, this was the purpose of my crying; it was the best weapon I had. Thus I could follow my brothers and their playmates wherever they played their game.

Generally, the boys either played the game of glass balls or took their slingshots to shoot at birds. When they narrowed their eyes in deep concentration, held their breath, focused on the game fowl, I would yell delightedly as I pointed out the bird to them. Although I couldn’t join their group to hunt the bird, I had good vision and a strong voice to alert them when I saw a bird flying in the sky. But, despite my good intentions, they were always scolding me. “Keeping your big mouth shut, the birds are all frightened by you.”

I was greatly insulted but I obediently sat under the shade of big banyan tree. While I was having a good time watching how funny they looked as they crouched low before they tried to shoot quickly moving birds, I was suddenly hit by a rock, and then I felt a stabbing pain at the top of my head. My hands instinctively touched the painful place. When I saw my bloody hands, I cried loudly. The boys ran quickly toward me. My brother grasped my body and looked angrily at his playmates who caused the accident. For the first time I was treated as a princess. Moreover, one boy pulled out many colorful glass balls, which were my favorite from his pocket to give to me. An autumn breeze was puffing away the dark clouds. I stopped weeping and accepted their warm friendship. The boys had always called me a crybaby and a pest. But now I was praised as a courageous girl. Bravely enduring my pain, I promised my brother not to tell our Mother. Even though my head bled profusely, I said there was really no pain at all. However, this “no pain” wound in my head left a big scar forever.

Usually, after doing housework all day long, my Mother lay down on the bed because she ached all over, especially when summer changed to autumn. Then she asked me to massage her legs by pounding them with my fists. If I was in a good mood, I would do it so that it was her happy time. Not only was I very much pleased with what I had done, but also I prided myself on being an obedient girl to show up my brothers. However, if I was playing excitingly with my playmates and I was compelled to do so, I bargained with my mother over the price.

“500 times,” she asked for me.

“300 times,” I figured that 500 times needed ten minutes. It was too long to stop playing with my playmates.

“For every 100 times you do it I will give you 10 cents,” she weakly encouraged me.

“Ok.” Looking at money, I did my best. But in order to finish quickly, I counted faster than I actually pounded my fists.

Finally, I heard my Mother said fragilely, “Enough…” and then I was running away as soon as possible to my favorite place. There was a small pond made from a bomb dropped by the U.S.A. during World War Two.

The bomb made it a pool of misery, but for me it was a happy pond just in front of my home. There was a row of tall bamboo fluttering in the wind, a lot of colorful wild flowers lying-low on the ground, and a swarm of ducks drawing out many ripples on the surface of the water. If I vanished from my parents’ sight, I was found there, a skinny girl in pigtails, who was busy either digging the soil to pick the wild flowers or walking with light steps to chase the dragonflies.

When I was found by my Mom at this place that I called a “Holy Land,” my body was totally covered in mud. Even though my Mother blamed me incessantly, she carefully helped me take off my completely dirty clothes. While I was bathing, I shivered and murmured, “I am chilly.” I didn’t know if I was really cold or if I just wanted to stop her scolding words.

“Yes, fall is coming in,” she said, as she gave me more clothes to wear. I felt warm as toast.

The autumn of childhood, is like sunlight dancing on the waves of the pond; restless shuttles weaving a golden age. Therefore, I had colourful dreams. I wanted to become a glass ball to make a sound of delightful melody; I wanted to become a dragonfly that couldn’t be seized by people; I wanted to become a wild duck to swim in the bamboo grove and water.

 

2. The autumn of youth hood ---- colorful dreams were destroyed by the world of wild storms.

One summer day Mother suddenly ended her own life. The sunny sky was darkened by the violent storm; the glass balls were broken to pieces in the dark morass; the wild duck was suffocated in the dead water. The God of death pulled off my ruby chain that I had been prepared to wear my whole life. Let it be cracked under the wheel and left to bleed like a broken heart in the dust. Lacking my Mother’s pulse, what on earth can breathe in this world?

My Mother’s funeral procession carried me into a flame of sorrow. A crazed daughter grasped the coffin as if it were really her Mother’s body as she tried to stop people from pushing her dear Mom into the grave. It was the day of thunder and lightning. How was such a slender weak girl able to resist the tradition, “earth to earth, ashes to ashes.”

Gradually, I woke up from my grievous suffering to face Mother’s death. It was undoubtedly true that my Mother was dead. My Father had promised to build a hut for me beside my Mother’s grave. But it was impossible – living people could not live near graves. However, when I recovered my consciousness, the miserable autumn was starting. My subconscious was always affected by the fallen flowers of the season.

If fire is a symbol of suffering, the raging fire is absolutely more powerful than gentle heat. Until one day at midnight, I was startled to hear Father crying his grief out as he crouched in a corner of our house. The sound of sorrow was a shock to me that made me to realize that I must move from the indulgences of childhood; I also should face the future.

Finally, I passed the employee test of the telecommunication company. Now that I had other things to focus on, my youthful energy was gradually aroused. I wore a black outfit into the first job of my life. In this mourning dress I stepped into my future.

Reeds grew in clusters all along the railway track; the acacias flowers of Taiwan unfolded along the path as if to woo and flatter the scenery. Unconsciously, this became a love garden as I strolled through it. Surely, I could inflame some one’s passion.

Once I was a bridesmaid at my girlfriend’s wedding. I was not only without common sense at this time, but I also had no idea how far it was between Kaohsiuing and Tainan. Therefore, I felt free to promise a date with Chu in the evening at 6 pm. However, not only did I mistake the travel time, but the wedding dinner was delayed a long time. I didn’t finish my duties as a bridesmaid until two o’clock in the morning.

I thought it was impossible that he could wait in a field with mosquitoes all around in the dark night for eight hours. Annoyed with heartless time, I was disappointed that happiness would always be far away from me.

Suddenly, I was surrounded by a strong light, and then I heard a motorcycle engine starting. His hair was messed up by the autumn wind. A row of white teeth shone a bright welcome to me. Like a guard he had come to protect me. The next day, he showed me what was left of the sugar cane that he gnawed on to kill the time while he waited for me. Through Chu, I was carried out of my failed world into a new world where I could flourish. The song of my first love was like birds in flowering groves.

The next year on the mid-autumn festival night, he said passionately, “we should go to Mother’s place to be with her, let the three of us together cheer the holiday under the moon.” He really understood my mind, but I wondered whether it would be very difficult to climb the wild hill in the dark night.

“Don’t hesitate about that. Do it at once.” He was wild about it. “Hurry up, Mother is waiting for us to eat the moon cake and the shaddock.”

Talking about my Mother, my tears flowed like a broken river. He not only joined me in my weeping, but also sorrowed deeply about my mourning. Suddenly, he kneeled down to pray and swore an oath in front of my Mother’s yard. “I will look after your daughter forever. Her sadness is my gloom. Her happiness is my satisfaction as well. I promise.”

The moonlight was a memory mirror. Leaves fell from the trees to cover everything. The birds were hopping about on their perches and twittering. Was this called the pledge of marriage?

However, what was this pledge? It turned out to be a pledge that was easily broken when he was threatened by his mother who wanted him to marry another girl. Not much later, he and his bride, who was his mother’s preference, had their wedding dinner near my office. Was this deliberate or neglectful on his part to let me look at this happy picture that did not include me? Moreover, after his wedding, he still sent me these honeyed words, “whether I am near or far away, I will be with you forever.”

My dear God! Could you please tell me what kind of love this was?

People always say that youth is beauty, but I only felt the dark of autumn. It could have been a little more beautiful, but ultimately it would still be sorrowful.

 

3. The autumn of adulthood ---- even after the fruit left the tree, the tree persisted in her undertaking to stand erect between the sunlight and the moonlight.

In Taiwan, it is traditional for the bride to “marry out”, which means she is expected to live with her husband’s family. The groom is expected to “marry in”, which means he stays with his parents’ family. The wedding custom of Taiwan is so different for daughters and sons that I had some words to say at my daughter’s wedding. “Today my daughter is not to marry off and my son-in-law is not to marry in as well. They are both consummating a marriage, mutually unifying into one happy family.”

Even though both daughters and sons have the same genes, the same flesh and blood, they are a division between off and in when they marry. Sometimes custom is a tyrant. Human history has been tied up by too much etiquette. Why shouldn’t we live more simply? Therefore, I placed more emphasis on the “marry off and marry in” issue in my speech. Of course, I also thanked my son-in-law’s parents for raising such an outstanding son. As a result, my daughter got a happy family.

However, although we lived in an infinite world, when we marry off our daughters they have no space to make a turn. Like flowers in full bloom with honeybees bustling busily and then dashing into each other, many couples run into trouble that shouldn’t be their problem. In the new family there is a crowd of people in front of the couple wanting to show their power and just making the couple unhappy. For example, there was my story. I was anti-traditional. I couldn’t stand all the bad behaviors in my new family. In order to keep my marriage I considered giving credit to their so-called useless brother. Every one has absolutely the same problem in their own life when they married.

O poor human, why should you have personal experiences and then you don’t raise your consciousness? How many times have you made the same mistakes over and over again in your limited life? My way of trying to prevent my daughter from having the same unreasonable rules was to cautiously protect her.

My daughter moved from the south of Taiwan (Kaohsiung) to the middle of Taiwan (Taichung) after she married. We also prepared a house in Kaogsiung for them if she needed to come back to her former nest. After she became the mother of two children, we had no time to reunite with each other even to celebrate special events, such as our birthdays.

Finally, I concluded that she was really married off and my son-in-law was married in. Thus she couldn’t go back to her original family whenever she was missing us. In fact, she not only had been hobbled by her children and her job, but also she had been obstructed by something unpleasant. To offer an illustration, one autumn, my son-in-law had secretly arranged for his wife and children to go to Kaohsiung to have a comforting visit with me and my husband. However, he paid a steep price for this trip because his father was furious at being kept in the dark. My daughter had come to Kaohsiung in search of her roots. Nevertheless, her missing roots had to face the thorns that formed her father-in-law’s inhumanity.

With his bright clear eyes, my clever grandson was playing with a colorful triangular prism; all human beings are capable of such behavior, but the process of becoming an adult often causes us to be in a state of chaos. Is it the changes outside the prism – all over the earth- that changes us, or is it the moving colourful flower on the inside of the prism of ourselves that changes us?

The feeling of autumn following a life of change has a different style; like a rolling triangular prism, there are varyingly appearances. The autumn of adulthood is a time of maturing, no longer like the delicate flower of spring and the brilliance of summer. It is the readiness of an autumnal harvest.

The song of daytime has been sung. Let the peaceful melody of Bachr surround my literary life in the evening. As I turn on my night light, I am looking for a true, good and beautiful mind to accompany my future.

Surely, days come and ages pass, and autumn moves my heart in many a guise, in many a rapture of joy and of sorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

 

[李秀]

就是這篇的英文創作,我佇Vancouver College上Creative Writing 的時, 予老師選作模範的作品提予逐家讀。人若經過呵咾, 有時嘛是歹命的開始, 因為別人攏咧享受人生, 我猶原閣佇夜燈下拍拼peh格仔。

[胡長松]

真實閣寶貴的生活佮感情，予人足感動的散文!

[凃妙沂]

讀到這麼精彩的作品,今仔日暗暝眠夢攏是鄉土的曲調,恬靜入我的夢中!

[陳金順]

李秀姊台文愈寫愈溜掠，你的拍拚逐家攏看佇眼內，向望你的台文花蕊愈開愈媠。

[李秀]

勞力逐家的呵咾参鼓勵, 台文就是我以後創作的目標, 向望台文的花園逐家作伙來經營。

[王立信]

[王立信]

李秀姐平安：
秋日的三菱鏡.轉作音聲兮時間有較長.為了閣較便於
口語化.佇話尾有添減助音，請見諒。每一遍完成一篇錄音
阮凡勢比作者本身閣較歡喜呢，這到底啥原因，家己
嗎毋知影。

秋日兮三菱鏡.作者李秀
﹝第一抱﹞.童年的秋日；
旦才破殼出來幼綿綿的鴨咪仔，佇五燭光的電火泡仔跤，用伊幼嫩靈巧的撒奶形，依倚佇四序的攬抱中。
●雷公閃閃，秋風吹落雨點，澹濕的氣流踅過青草仔埔。一片一片焦黃的葉仔、一蕊一蕊退色的花叢，位無人知影的角勢.雄雄趖出來跳舞。毋管外面按怎風風雨雨，這个時陣我的後腦骨仔攏愛倒佇阿母軟軟綿綿的胸坎頂，身軀隨著伊的喘氣起起落落，耳孔斟酌聽伊講薛仁貴征東、王寶釧苦守寒窯十八冬兮故事含伶俐的細漢囡仔是按怎修理惡毒的虎姑婆……誠濟好聽的故事，我一遍一遍撒奶阿母講了閣再講，佗算伊足無閒，我嘛有辦法叫伊講。是故事的魅力，抑是數念予阿母疼惜的幸福，我嘛分袂清楚。
●有時阿母較無閒，我就佮厝邊的囡仔伴，走去田中央走相掠匿相找，無佗躡跤躡手創治田嬰，抑是拼死命纏綴兄哥in拍珠仔，佇日頭跤射落來五花十色的玻璃珠仔，相撞兮時所發出來清脆的聲音，自頭到尾攏予我感覺誠心適（生成對旋律足佮意的我，誠做後日仔對音樂的趣味）。見若in欲耍珠仔，我絕對欲綴著，兄哥的囡仔伴講我愛哭閣愛綴路，定定向兄哥抗議：「拜託你小妹莫來遮鎮跤鎮手好毋，伊有够討厭的！」
●原來是我的跤閣擋著in彈過來的珠仔，若是這點，我一直攏足謹慎兮，但是珠仔滾輾的速度，攏比我的反應閣較緊，自按呢我變成in鑿目的查某囡仔。見若我予兄哥歹，我就會淒慘落魄吼，若閣看著阿母佇遐.我佗愈吼愈大聲，吼聲愈大表示予兄哥欺悔愈殄，當然囉，吼聲嗎會隨著阿母罵兄哥的聲音慢慢仔細聲落來，我就是用這个法寶.纏綴這一陣兄哥的囡仔伴。
●In做伙若毋是耍珠仔，無佗是提著鳥phiak仔夾石頭，注神眨一蕊目睭瞄準著樹尾仔頂兮動靜，這个時陣我嘛開始無閒憩憩。見若榕仔樹頂飛來一隻鳥仔，我就連鞭雞婆大聲共in通知。不而過，逐遍攏好心予雷唚，所換來是互因駡若一陣掃射的連珠炮：「鳥仔攏予汝驚一下走了了去矣，拜託汝較恬咧好毋！」
●我討衰仝款，家已恬恬坐佇樹仔跤，但是嘛專心咧看因一仙一仙俯腰斟酌遐兮飄茫無定著的鳥仔群。當緊張的時刻，雄雄一撮火金星出現佇面頭前，頭殼頂一陣兮刺痛，我的雙手隨莫牢頭殼，手盤續感覺澹澹黏黏，一看是血，「哇」大聲吼出來，逐家聽著我的吼聲趕緊走來身邊。兄哥將我抱牢咧，目睭青睨睨看欺負我彼个狡怪的人，這是我第一遍感受著友誼兮滋味，其中有人自動位橐袋仔咪一堆珍珠仔囥佇我的面頭前講欲予我，但是叫我莫吼矣。雖然彼陣頭殼足痛，但是秋風吹來撥開一層一層的烏雲，佇柔和的日頭跤輕輕仔飛，吼聲嘛輕輕仔飛走。平常時予人號做「狗綴路兮我」，即馬煞變作「上勇敢的查某囡仔」。轉到厝，遵照兄哥所交待的話忍痛共阿母講：「袂疼！」講嘛奇怪，血佗流袂少，嘴講袂痛，真正袂痛！不而過，這个袂痛的傷跡，即馬猶原閣有誠深的記號。
●阿母無閒一工了後，倒佇眠床頂歇睏是伊上享受的時陣，但是一倒落來攏是喝遮痠遐痛，尤其是夏秋交替的季節，雙跤兮關節痠佮痛。若心情好，我會自動坐佇伊尻川斗的邊仔認真搥，搥甲予伊眞歡喜。我嘛感覺家己是一个蓋友孝的囡仔，甚至閣為家己的行為感動，時常向兄哥in來展風神，講我是上乖的人；毋過，若當著我耍甲當趣味的時予阿母叫來，我會先佮伊出價参詳。伊講：「五百下。」我講：「三百下。」伊說：「一百下一仙。」看在錢的份上，我會儘量有耐性共搥。但是定定為著欲趕緊解決，算的速度會比動作較緊。心若放放，動作佗離離落落，上尾仔佳哉聽著阿母講：「好矣！」我連一秒鐘都攏無走閃，連鞭爬起來走甲尾仔直去隨蹤去磋砣矣。
●太平洋戰爭予美軍炸彈炸的一个水池，對我來講是幽美的大湖，就佇阮厝的門前差不多四百公尺爾爾。懸懸的竹抱仔佮低低的小野花，插濫圍佇菱角形的池仔邊。當秋風吹起，竹抱仔跤搖啊搖，竹葉仔親像吹啡仔叫啊叫，親像樂團咧演奏，鬧熱滾滾。另外佇水池仔內，鴨群悠游水中，in泅過的後壁面，攏有一條一條開叉的水湧，湧佇我小小的心肝頂，起造一个童年的王國。見若我消失佇父母的眼線，一定會當佇遮揣著一个頭殼頂縛著兩條頭鬃尾仔、瘦閣薄板的小身影，當咧挖土、挽花……續落來規身軀難免有塗沙粉驚死道人，若夆掠轉來厝加減會予老母唸。伊一傍幫我褪衫仔褲，一傍洗我的跤手面，淋佇身軀的水開始有淡薄仔冷矣。毋知是欲徙開老母的嘈嘈唸，抑是真正咧寒，我的身軀一直若勼若顫、若勼若顫，掠著阿母的手撒奶按呢講:「有够寒！」
阿母趕緊提衫褲幫我穿起來，舉頭看天：「嗯！秋天到矣。」自按呢我的身軀佗閣加(ke) 一領衫。
●童年的秋日，親像日頭光佇湖水兮頂面咧跳舞，繡織即領永遠袂退色的花氈仔。有時嗎想欲變做玻璃珍珠仔，時常會當發出迷人的旋律；嗎閣想欲變做一隻田嬰，隨時會當飛佇草枝仔頂風騷，予人掠袂著；嘛想欲變成彼隻水鴨，泅佇竹林佮水萍兮當中自由閣自在。

第二抱. 少年的秋日
嬌寵嫵媚兮景致予天地不仁殘酷的屯踏，位劇變愁苦之中，滾躘佇淒慘佮向望的路途。
●彼年熱天母親雄雄結束家己的生命，袂輸一場狂風暴雨拍加落佇清氣的天頂盤，親像玻璃兮珍珠仔沉碎佇烏雲遮咧的湳塗窟，水鴨仔激死佇一窟烏水裡同款。死神共人強扭落來本底準備永遠欲結佇頷頸的彼條紅寶石兮拌鍊，續落佇塗跤予車輦軋碎去，干單賰一片紅貢貢的血跡留佇塗沙頂。無母親的氣脈咧走跳兮日子，宇宙閣有啥物意義呢？
●阿母出山的陣頭佇赤炎炎的日頭跤咧進行，親像起痟的一个查某囡仔拼命抱牢牢母親兮玉體倒惦佇內底的紅硃大厝，斟酌扛大厝的工作人員欲將伊親愛的母親搡向塗空內。雷雨交加，瘦弱的身軀欲按怎至贊會牢「塵歸塵、土歸土」的大道理啊！
●當我看清現實的世界，嘛知影父親無可能實現伊的約束，佇阿母永遠安息的大厝邊仔閣起一間小厝予我徛，這个時陣已經是面對秋風稀微，淒涼無比的季節。秋日佇潛意識內煞變成愁苦的源頭。若是火種愈當代表一種折磨，安呢赤炎炎兮烈火絕對看袂著軟啁啁的火星佇邊仔咧哀參，我干單管家己兮鬱卒，毋管四箍圍的世界。當有一工佇睏夢中，聽著老父捶心擘腹的吼聲，劃破孤寂恬靜的暝暗，驚醒我漸漸沉落的神經，雄雄發覺生命中袂使干單停留佇童年的寵悻中來慣勢。了後，我接受電信局的考試，有另外的生活空間，屬於少女青春的活命則漸漸仔活跳起來。一身軀的烏衫参滿腹的不安，亦慢慢仔行向有希望的未來。
●菅芒花白霧霧佇風中咧飛，飛向鐵枝路兮兩爿一直湠長，一叢一叢相思仔兮黃花踮佇落崎坡遐搖來搖去，親像咧向我拍招呼，我就按呢行入百花齊開的花園散步。
●有一冬的秋天，查某伴結婚，我做伴嫁。無時間參無空間觀念兮我，想講台南離高雄干單幾分鐘的路程，就参伊相約佇尾暗仔的時陣。但是拄仔好，彼日的喜筵拖到一、二點，續落去翻頭的車班閣故障，一畷路舞到三更半暝才轉來高雄。我想講伊無可能佇暗濛濛的田岸仔路佮蠓仔鬥陣戇戇仔等我！當咧懊惱時間的無情，甜蜜總是離我遠遠，雄雄一道火焰的光照對我的面前來，續落去一陣機車碰碰叫的聲音向我這爿騎來，一頭予秋風吹散去的頭毛，一排笑文文的白嘴齒，親像守護神出現佇我的眼前，予我驚喜閣迷醉。隔轉日伊揣我去看伊為著欲消磨時間囓甘蔗留落來的痕跡。這世人第一遍相思仔兮花蕊攬抱佇心肝頂，初戀的歌就按呢隨我佇天頂兮雲河內，佔著一个小小兮所在。
●第二年中秋暝伊對我講：「咱來去覆鼎金陪阿母過中秋節！」伊誠了解我的心，不而過，佇暗時的荒山野外中，欲揣阿母的厝可能有困難，伊心頭親像大衛王的定著：「緊！阿母咧等咱食月餅佮柚仔矣。」見若講著阿母，我的目箍就紅，伊陪我做夥流目屎，陪我做夥悲傷。伊跪落佇阿母的門口埕點香按呢講:「我這世人一定欲好好照顧汝的查某囝。」月光是記持的鏡，啡仔聲佇風中飄弄，這敢是叫做愛的誓言？
●但是，誓言是啥物？伊敢愈當佇伊母親的威脅下，親像五彩柔軟兮泡影漂流佇空中的色水爾爾。伊終於牽著伊母親上佮意的女子的手行入「致美齋飯店」兮禮堂，拄仔好就是我上班所在的身邊，伊是有意抑是無意，欲叫我看這幕世間上美好佮上殘酷的對比？伊結婚的前一暝閣對我甜言蜜語：「無論天涯海角，我永遠佮汝做夥。」上天啊！汝敢會當向我解釋這是啥款的愛情？
●少年是媠，但是秋色沉重，一點仔都感覺袂出媠的甜味，若有，是毋是叫做淒涼兮美麗矣！

﹝第三抱﹞. 成年的秋日
●果子若已經熟熟佗離開原來兮果子樹，伊用一世人的堅持，佇日頭佮烏影之間搖弄。

佇查某囝的婚禮，我講：「今仔日查某囝毋是嫁『出去』，囝婿嘛毋是娶『轉來』，是in倆人結婚，相互結合，組成幸福家庭。」
查某囝参查甫囝攏是仝款經過坐胎、病囝、生產，但是，當行入生命重要的斡角，佇人為的傳統世俗，就有「出去」佮「轉來」的差別。人類自我束縛的禮節就有夠複雜，為何袂當較簡單一下，減少自我的困擾咧。自按呢，查某囝的好日子，我就有這點的強調，嘛感謝親家教出一个優秀的後生，會當予我的查某囝有一个幸福的家。
不而過，咱所徛起的所在，欠缺轉斡的空地，因為春日百花四界開，蜜蜂無閒甲翅股互相撞來撞去。誠濟新人行入禮堂了後，出問題並毋是當事人的代誌，顛倒是四箍圍的人，無閒咧欲顯示in的重量。掠我的故事來講，幾个仝款有一日會結婚的人，in就有耐性對兄嫂誠斟酌咧監督，續落去，閣有查某囝嫁出去了後，無義務轉來後頭厝友孝的理論。總講一句，攏是愛兄嫂做厝裡一切的代誌就對矣。一向背骨的我，保牢我這个婚姻，誠實的，應該是當時in認為無路用兮兄哥的功勞。當然矣，有一工in嘛愈更試著做人媳婦的滋味，阿佗有小可改變。人！為啥物愛等到家已試著滋味了後才來覺悟？生命有限，會當有幾个雄雄覺悟來清醒咧？
●為着避免親愛的人行入仝款怨嘆的路途，我攏是好禮仔將伊發落好勢。查某囝結婚嫁到台中（事實上，高雄嘛準備厝欲予in徛，阮有茲款戇想的理念）。現此時伊已經做人的老母，一年見無幾遍面，慢慢仔感受著形勢比人較強，伊眞正是嫁「出去」矣。想欲轉來後頭厝，除了有形的牽纏以外，閣有無形的阻擋。有一冬的秋天，囝婿衝破重重兮困難，走閃怹老父的注意偷偷仔佮牽手、後生轉來高雄，安慰數念查某囝参外孫的丈人、丈姆。不而過，這畷孝行煞付出相當兮代價，家庭起大風波。根，是人類上基本的數念，數念根的所在煞需要面對難題，叫人行佇刺仔埔頂是無人道的。
●靈巧的孫仔目睭仁烏白分明，咧耍彩色的稜鏡，人性原初就是按呢清純透光，干單是經過傷濟兮汚染則變成混沌無光。咱到底是佇外面咧看三稜鏡的變化，抑是佇三稜鏡內遐看混動的色花咧？秋日的感覺隨著歲月風華人生兮變化，親像三稜鏡滾動無仝的變貌。
中年的秋日已夠份矣，無閣是春日的嬌滴滴佮夏日的紅赤赤，是秋收的穩定。日時的歌已經唱過矣，欲暗仔的旋律予巴哈來奏平衡律，引導彩色的圖畫來重新起造文學的情景，用真善美的恬心來晲開暝暗晡亮光的燈火。

[李秀]

感謝汝閣再一遍的投入, 增加文章的魅力.

[李秀]

重新閣對照汝唸的版本, 佮汝幫我修改的文字, 感覺會出來, 汝應該開袂少的時間, 這愛有耐心佮愛心, 才有法度完成的工課.
我會照汝修改的版本出版冊.

[柯柏榮]

誠久無入來「台戰聯盟」，聽著立信兄念這篇文章，有真深的感動！
當時咧修改李秀老師這篇的「台語用字」的時，為著欲裝娗文字的面露，有淡薄仔「美化」這篇，煞小可失去台語聲、韻、調自本「口語的媠」。
一篇「上腳」的台語散文，欲按怎佇「口語」佮「美化」的敆縫揣著上密(bā)的榫點，正是我愛閣學習、愛閣拍拼的功課。