無介巧的老母 Stupid Mother

[李秀]

佇這个世間，上介甘苦佮甜蜜的事誌，就是作母親的時刻。位有身開始，就進入甘苦的處境。講較祥細是甜甘濟過苦楚，因為對囝兒的「牽腸掛肚」，應該屬於心「甘」情願。天底下的母親應該攏是這款樣，這是天性使然，親像有天就有地仝款自然。你想看嘛，曠野頂面有燦爛的雛菊，就有夠予人心頭有光彩。閣再講家己有新生的后一代，會當予咱灌溉、滋養，其中有愛的奉獻，也有愛的收成，生命的傳承著按呢豐沛起來。世間事有一好，無兩好，有甜甘，嘛有苦慘。其實苦慘的一面濟少滲入犧牲佇內面。

會記tsit少女時期，因為對文學佮音樂有真厚的趣味，所以一點仔都無想欲結婚，害老爸定定提出警告。想講毋通予老爸早暗操心，最後乖乖聽伊老大人的話，行入紅地毯的彼爿。當然有參欲佮我結婚彼个人參祥過，第一的條件袂使干擾我練琴佮寫作的時間。好膽你著來，結果真正有青暝不驚槍的憨人，行入我的生命中來。

無疑悟，腹肚內的囝仔連鞭推翻我所有的堅持。體質的關係，足足予我嘔吐將近七个外月。未曾做老母，就鼻著苦味。彼个時陣，我的辦公桌仔跤，不時囥一塊桌布佮衛生紙，通隨時應付我欲吐、走袂赴去便所的準備，生產的時陣嘛無介順事。親像上天甲我講，人生無啥物會當予我堅持的! 當然，我對這兩个上天派來的小靈精此霎完全投降矣。

咱攏會看樣，細漢感受爸母的恩情，嘛向望家己會當予囝兒有仝款的溫情，所以不時希望家己有三頭六臂，來滿足in的需要。文學? 音樂? 老早無知閃去佗位去矣。in每一个表情佮哮笑聲變成我身軀內的每一个細胞，無時無刻攏咧牽引我的每一條神經。每擺想起當時養育囝兒的緊張佮無細膩，即馬想起來，心內猶原閣有淡薄仔驚惶！

有一站，查某囝旦即生落來兩个外月爾爾，看伊的指甲傷長，就提起大隻咬刀，其實我嘛足細膩咧修剪，但是剪了後，伊的十个幼指頭仔竟然一直那流血出來。夭壽哦! 這欲按怎較好。我趕緊共伊攬抱起來，一路哮到後家厝。父親看我披頭散髮，穿著睏衫，無神魂一直那哞哞哮：「因為我的無張持，害伊以後無法度彈琴矣，有一工伊若真正變作殘廢，就是我這个作老母的人該死，嗚---嗚---」。
「事志猶未發生，你未曾未就煩惱起來囥。代誌無妳想的赫呢嚴重，冷靜一下。妳袂使用剪刀，紅嬰的皮肉真幼，其實你用針輕輕仔撥一下就會使矣。」

雖然我足細膩舞in的逐項代詩, 不而過三不五時攏予我創甲霧嗄嗄。

囝兒就佇我這款驚驚惶惶之下慢慢大漢。現此時in上愛聽我彼當年養育in的大小項即馬想起來攏足歹勢的代誌，結果我予in號一个名，叫著「無介巧的老母」。實在真鬱卒，一點仔都袂疼惜當年in骨力的老母。好小子! 試您老母的巧看嘛---

我雄雄腹肚痛甲倒佇眠床踾袂起來，是真嚴重的疼矣! 這个時陣查埔囝緊乓乓走去揣藥仔，查某囝趕沖沖去倒滾水，經過每一分鐘就來床邊問講：「媽媽！有較好一點仔無？」當然，我毋通予龜跤趖出來，無著，等我真正有病的時，in就無欲相信矣。啊我呢! 攏愛陶醉佇in這款真情流露的緊張模樣內底。

Stupid Mother
The most symbolic bitter and sweet things in my life are being a mother. After pregnancy, I came into both happiness and suffering. If I wanted to be more exact, I would say that the happiness greater than the suffering. I think to be concerned for my baby is to be totally willing to do anything. That is a mother’s nature. It is nothing special, but rather a natural temperament, similar to the sky, the ground, the rain and the wind.

Raising children is like growing wild flowers. Moreover, having my own offspring lets me raise them, allows me to pull them up. I can keep my darlings’ love and hold their warmth. Therefore, not only is my life fulfilled, but also my soul is comfortable. Everything is opposite, bringing with it both sweet and bitter. However, the bitter usually has something valuable for the sake of others.

When I was young, I had such a strong desire for literature and music that I didn’t think about marriage. My father was very anxious about my activities. At last, I decided to put on a wedding ring as I got married to satisfy my father’s solicitude. Then my husband agreed to help me finished what I wanted---writing articles and playing the piano. Although I had a strong will to indulge my hobbies, my wiry mind was broken by my baby. I vomited heavily during my pregnancy. Not yet a real mama, I already tasted irritation. Still, I thought this was the time of my life.

I adopted my parents’ warmth. For this reason, I tried my best to comfort my kids again and again. I hoped I was a resourceful mother who could cope with almost anything they needed. What is literature? What is music? I already threw them far away. My strong powers of concentration were on my newborn creations. Absolute certainty about their every facial expression seized my nerve cells. How could I elaborate on this deep feeling?

The process of caring for little babies was a series of taut stretches. All I had been able to come up with so far was that I was panicky. For example, I remember nurturing this tiny being when my daughter was two months young. I took the scissors to trim her nails. Even though I was most cautious, her small fingertips shed blood. My goodness! That was a difficult one! Feeling great shock, I held her as I trembled and cried.

“What a tragedy! If she can’t play piano, I will never forgive my blunder, alas….”
“Things are not so black, take it easy!” my father comforted me continually. “But you know, the infant’s nails are really tender, you must trim them with a needle instead of scissors.”
Incidents such as these made much ado about nothing countless times; as my children were growing up I trembled with fear.

After that they enjoyed talking about those funny events, then laughing deeply and giving me the name “Stupid Mother”.
“Hey guys! How dare you tease me like that?”

All right--I pretended to be seriously ill with a “stomachache.” That gave them a scare. Then my daughter poured a cup of hot water immediately and my son had a pill ready.

“Mom! Are you much better?” They were both ridden with concern. Well, I definitely couldn’t reveal my lie; otherwise they would not trust me any more when I was really sick.

I am always so intoxicated following their vivid and unsophisticated antics that I realize one point. “My heart will dance, my soul will sing, because I am a mother.” Life would be short, but taking a fancy to being a mother prolongs it.