佇落雨天走失落的老父(有聲台文) Lost in the Rain--Finding Father

[李秀]

 

落雨天，童年的記持是兩款樣，毋是輕鬆就是煩惱。因為袂當出門揣蹉跎伴，無工藝就跍蹛窗仔墘，耍位厝尾頂閃入內的雨水，幫助in較緊滑落來。不而過，會當按呢悠閑咧耍雨滴，背後一定愛父母平安佇厝內；若無，一粒心肝就懸懸吊佇半空中盪盪晃，彼款澹漉漉的雨味予人真無安全感，因為親愛的雙親無佇身軀邊。

 

到較大漢小可會曉做一寡家事，雨，才逗逗仔浮出淡薄仔色水。

肉粽節的雨，幼幼柔柔。阿母慣勢踮亭仔腳縛肉粽，我嘛開始無閑提東提西鬥做代誌，雖然土腳澹糊糊，毋過灶腳的柴火僻哩叭啦，共我的面烘甲紅貢貢，厝內四界飄滿溫馨的芳味，雖然阿爸無佇矣，上班去囉，但是我知影伊一定會轉來，而且伊有紮雨傘出門，我著按呢安心踮佇厝內。

 

少年的雨，是無煩無惱的。

 

想袂到經過三、四冬了後，當是高中生青春少女的我，煞予一場擘腹斷腸的雨，摃甲烏昏暗地、傷甲半小死。

 

阿母出山彼日，連天嘛射落來一場強猛的大雨箭。永遠無法度放袂記彼條暗淡醬糊糊的彎路，是一條摧人心肝生離死別的陽關道，親像世界末日，我目睭金金看著至愛的阿母，予人囥落去彼款隂隂濕濕的荒山野地下腳。失去阿母，佮阿爸相依為命，彼時每遍見著雨，有一種莫名其妙的驚惶，特別是阿爸無佇厝裡的時陣。

 

有一工，天頂雄雄刮一陣風颱雨，連鞭想著阿爸的安危。自按呢，家己大膽騎著腳踏車，一路佮刮風大雨捙拼，欲送雨幔去予當咧出勤的老父。想講伊一定會呵咾查某囝的友孝，無疑悟，煞顛倒加添伊的擔頭。

 

佇風雨交加的緊張時刻，予阿爸硬櫼入去計程車內，一點仔都無予我開嘴的空間。我誠委曲坐入去計程車內底。坐在了後，位玻璃窗仔門越頭看向外口，啊! 那知阿爸毋但愛騎家己的腳踏車，另外一手閣愛牽我彼台。看伊拼勢佮風雨決鬥的形體，我即時目屎滴落來，按怎會變做這款樣？！彼款慘淡割心的疼，到即馬想起來猶原會踞踞顫。彼陣風颱雨，我永遠共伊咒讖。

 

日子總是愛面對，雨猶原隨著四季行腳到，我的世界綴著日月的流逝，漸漸擴大，慢慢仔對雨的感覺有所改變，甚至淡薄仔合意彼款淒涼有詩味的霎霎仔雨。講較清楚一點仔，有可能是雨引起我少女「不識愁強說愁」的記憶。佇這個煩忙的現代生活，會當引起數念過去嘛是一種幸福，無管伊是甜的抑是苦的。

 

當然，另外一方面也表示我結婚後的生活是安定的，所以對雨無啥物特別的感受。

 

毋過這工愈想愈礙虐，我已經是兩個高中生的老母，半暝的雨點，點滴佇我的心肝頭，親像利刀一刀一刀割我的肉。天呀! 地呀!，無論按怎你即馬袂使落雨! 汝無看著彼個流浪佇街仔路，揣袂著路轉去厝的老大人嗎？你若落雨，毋是愈加重伊的困擾？伊枵閣悿的身軀，敢會堪得汝的摧殘佮刻薄？

 

我彼個八十二歲的老父，位透早七、八點仔就紡見矣，到即馬已經足足十七點鐘。遐呢久的時間，阿(阮對阿爸的暱稱)！汝到底是去佗位？三兄奔向南爿、四兄走向東爿，汝的囝婿向北爿去揣…. 逐家親像無頭神的胡蠅四界走揣汝的形影。阿! 汝到底走去佗一角勢？

 

阮攏咧臆，汝絕對袂坐落來歇睏，若枵嘛袂家己買物件食，汝會一直行，愈行愈遠愈驚惶，凡勢嘛愈危險。

 

厝邊按呢講：「免煩惱！老歲仔無人欲愛啦。」如果是會當舂的人，我絕對一拳共伊舂落去，閣按怎講，現此時我無法度接受這款安慰的話。

 

時鐘一分一分向前徙，阮的希望也一寸一寸向絕望的路行。繃絚的神經已經夠磅，我親像痟仔開始掠狂：「阿！汝欲走，嘛袂使按呢走，上無汝的身軀邊嘛愛有親人…」，目屎若像烏暗的雨水流袂停，雨啊！如果我親愛的老父，若有啥物缺角的話，這世人，我欲抾恨汝！

 

毋知經過幾世紀的感覺，這時陣，電話聲響起，傳來阿爸已經予計程車司機載轉來矣的聲音。勞力上天啊! 老父的囝婿歡喜甲跳起來：「都著毋! 我頭仔就知影爸爸吉人天相，袂出代誌。好佳哉，爸爸平安轉來厝，無著，會予妳這個厚操煩的人想歪去。」這個人即馬竟然講起大聲話來，而且閣講袂煞。無要緊! 若阿爸平安轉來，啥物代誌攏好參詳。

 

翁婿無閑燒香拜拜，我趕狂提雨傘轉去後頭厝。計程車司機講，就是落雨天才引起伊注意橋頂的孤單老人，伊想講這個序大有可能毋甘叫計程車，所以才順路載伊一段。按呢講來，就是落雨天救著阮老父矣！

 

司機先生！多謝汝的愛心。雨！汝落著時陣，我雙手合十，感謝雨，勞力上天的保庇。

 

看阿爸予三兄安貼好勢，已經悿甲躺咧眠床頂睏，我安心行向歸途。

 

佇路裡遇著後生攑雨傘向我行來，我知影伊的用心，毋過我諴受氣：

「汝來創啥物！即馬閣無欲睏，明仔載欲按怎應付學校的考試。」

「三更半暝閣咧落雨，我驚汝會有危險 …」滿面委屈的形。

 

我無用當年阿爸對我的方法來對我的後生，但是我相信，我現此時的心佮當年阿爸的心是仝款的。我共後生攬牢牢做夥行轉來厝。這個時陣，雨停矣！

我知影，若有天地，雨照常會落；我嘛知影，若有人類，親情照常會輪迴。

 

 

刊佇「海翁台語文學」第102期 2010.6月

 

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    Lost in the Rain--Finding Father by Lee Hsiu

I have two kinds of memories from my childhood because I would sometimes feel relaxed but other times feel worried on rainy days. I couldn’t go out to play with my playmates, so I played by myself as I helped the raindrops fall down the window more quickly. However, I only felt happy and carefree when I knew my parents were near me at home. Otherwise, my little heart would be in turmoil with worry about them.

After I’d grown up a little, I could be of assistance in doing housework and gradually became more diverse in my activities during those rainy days.

Soft rain fell on the day of the Dragon-Boat Festival.On this day, Mother used to make “Zong Zi” in the outdoor hall by wrapping rice in broad leaves of reeds. I handed her the rice or passed the leaves over to Mama. I enjoyed doing this work. Even though it was wet everywhere, my face was red and excited from the kitchen fire. What a warm-hearted feeling there was in the room! Additionally, although my father was at the office, I knew he would come back and that he had an umbrella, so I didn’t need to worry about him. Thus I could feel relaxed at home as I waited for my dear father to return home.

The rain of my youth was vivid and bright.

However, the rain of my teenage years was like the thrusting blade of a knife. My heart was so broken on my mother’s burial day that I have never forgotten the muddiness of the steep climb up the mountain to the cemetery. Then I watched helplessly as my dearest Mama was laid in the damp and dull soil. There was melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the wet grass. Losing Mother, I began to rely more deeply on Father, especially on the rainy days.

A few months later, during a dark and miserable night, I watched the heavy rain pouring down and my fears seemed endless because my father had not taken an umbrella with him. I grabbed a raincoat, braved my way through the rainstorm riding my bike to his office. I had guessed that he would be pleased with his dutiful girl, but he was furious. He made me take a taxi home. I watched Father from the window of the taxi as he struggled in the heavy rain to not only ride his bicycle, but also carry my bike in the pelting wind. Looking at this awful situation, I suddenly burst into tears. I would never forget this evil rain. What a nightmare!

The rainy seasons passed year after year; I made a living day after day as well. By then I had a different vision and feelings about rain. I even enjoyed the poetic rhythm of light rain as it fell. It is true, teenage girls always feel that they suffer so much but they really don’t know what true sorrow is. So I look back and wonder what made me happy then. When I focus on my memories they are both bitter and sweet as I hurry through my busy modern life. On the other hand, now that I have a happy marriage, I no longer had special feelings about rainy days.

Years had passed and I was now the mother of two senior high school students. However, now my heart beat gravely, as though sharing the beat of the midnight rain. What a curse these rains are! How dare you rain down now? Is it possible you don’t see an old man, lost and terrified, helplessly wandering on the streets? If you pour water on this moment, he will be even more baffled and confused. How could you burden his weakness with your rage?

The lost, lonely man is my eighty-two year old father. Lost now for seventeen hours since morning, how far can he possibly walk? We’ve been looking everywhere. Father! Which direction have you taken? We worry that you haven’t slept or eaten. Why must you keep walking farther away and into more danger? My neighbours tried to comfort me by telling me no one would dare touch him. Yet nothing could console me.

The hours passed and with every moment, and we lost more hope. I couldn’t bear this difficult time. “Dad! Don’t choose to leave us this way,” I cried hysterically. “You need your family here beside you, and you need to keep warm and dry.” Teardrops interwoven with raindrops threaded together a scene of suffering. Rain! I will never forgive you if my dear father gets into trouble.

My ordeal felt centuries long. Then finally a phone call brought good news, Father was coming back by taxi. I was assured that Father was okay. “Good thing your father’s safe, or you would be a mental case,” my husband rambled on, complaining incessantly. His temper always annoyed me, but now, everything would pass as long as my father was safe and sound. At least my husband was busy burning joss sticks in worship and appreciation. I headed out to Father’s home immediately. In this world the person I value most is my father who left me on this rainy day. Thank God after being lost, he has been found again. I hurried to Father’s place immediately.

In my father’s home, I held him tightly and listened to a stranger’s chatter. He explained that on this rainy day as he was driving home, he noticed a solitary old man who was walking on a dark and lonely bridge. He considered the possibility that this aged man might not be able to afford a taxi, so he offered him a free ride. The driver also told us that my father had lapsed into dizziness. Father was lucky that the driver thought to look in Father’s pocket, where he found his address. I thanked the rain for coming at the right time and I thank the driver who was driving the right way!

After I saw that Father had settled down, I went back my place. On the way home, I saw my son who was holding an umbrella for me. I really understood his purpose, but I was angry, “What are you doing now? It is so late and you have a test tomorrow!”

“It is midnight and rainy now. I feared you would be in danger.” my son said with tears in his eyes.

I didn’t treat him the way my father treated me many years ago, but I was sure that I was feeling just as Father used to feel. I patted my son tearfully. Now that we were home, the rain had already stopped.

I trust the rain will always come as long as the earth exists. I am also certain family relationships will never end so long as human beings live and love.

 

 

 

 

[凃妙沂]

以前讀琦君的[下雨天,真好!]誠愛落雨天,想起細漢佇苦瓜寮的代誌.即馬讀你這篇,感覺歸心肝攏....綴你講的故事,行踏台灣人hi種深窩的親情內涵,逗逗啊讀,台語會拍開台灣人的心窗.

[王立信]

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李秀姐平安：誠歹勢.沒經過汝兮同意佗麥庫試驗錄音唸此段汝兮媠兮文章.想講汝應該袂見怪則 著. 此首「佇落雨天走失落的老父」在三拜讀親像佇目前兮形影閃過.尤其是用澎湖腔口 來讀.特別有味呢。

[李秀]

王立信先生,
聽汝的澎湖腔讀我對阿爸思念的文章，我的目屎直直流，害厝內的人驚一趒，想講我的時差，是毋是予我感覺眞艱苦? 感謝汝透早就予我遮呢貴重的礼物，這是上好調時差的方法。三工前，我巳經轉來溫哥華了，這遍轉去台灣差不多有6个月之久，可惜無見著汝。
轉來温哥華處理一寡緊急的代誌，閣有淡薄仔時差，致使今仔日才開電腦。害我失去第一時間聽汝的澎湖腔。我應該來建議胡長松，佇電台會當唸詩，嘛應該會使唸散文才對，予汝去電台唸這篇台語散文嘛袂歹。