心內永遠的故鄉---蘇倩瑩 Forever Missing My Former Nest---For my mother Lee Hsiu

[李秀]

寫予母親李秀---蘇倩瑩

2005年7月到台北聽母親佇「北台灣文學研習營」的演講，驚覺伊這幾冬來對文學的努力佮探究。伊有一種特別的氣質（應該講是明星的架勢）參伊發出內心的真誠，深深吸引在場的聽眾，是一遍成功的演講。了後母親轉去溫哥華，伊的逐个表情佮笑聲煞變成我佇台灣數念依持的重心。

我的童年是幸福佮快樂！學土木工程的老爸按呢講，伊足想欲請老母教伊彈琴，毋過母親的致重攏囥佇阮的身軀頂。位我猶還閣佇搖笱內、嘴閣咧吮奶嘴仔時陣，著定定予伊抱佇手抱心聽伊咧彈奏。等待我的手指頭小可會當捏琴，就予伊教唱Do Re Mi。到童年的時期，我佮小弟已經會當分別聽出三不五時伊彈Mozart Sonata毋對的音；到野外郊遊，我和小弟時常耍著流水、鳥叫、喇叭聲…屬於啥物調的遊戲。阮的音感才調是位母親有身時就培養起來矣。我知影伊上快樂的時陣就是佮阮作伙鬥陣合奏：我拉大提琴，小弟主奏小提琴，伊伴奏鋼琴。伊甚至捌講過，有一工伊若欲離開這个世間，上向望的，就是我和小弟所彈奏的琴聲。

1994年我佇Boston Conservatory 讀冊期間，伊位台灣飛到美國東岸揣我，一見面就規定----English Only。散步佇查爾士河畔，阮一直那用英文講話，啥物人打破規則就愛處罰。結果攏是我罰請食ice cream，佇零下15冷度的氣侯。伊捌講過，一个人扮演啥物角色就愛成彼款的樣，比如講，我即馬佇美國讀冊，當然嘛攏愛用著英文。平常時伊足會曉利用時間，無論是看冊抑著分別物件的真實，這款研究的精神是我永遠學習的模範。雖然伊佇別人的眼中是急性佮無耐性，毋過伊予阮的愛佮學習的環境，永遠袂偷工減料。到現在我提起教鞭面對狡怪的國中生，特別感念母親佇阮學習的階段中，所投入的韌力佮用心。

現實的人生，結婚佮工作共我推渡到台中，母親參父親移居去加拿大，阮就足少機會作伙。伊的行跡佮佇溫哥華學院拍拼讀冊的過程，雖然我無法度親身參與，但是位小弟的批信當中會當了解。

這條牽引著親情的線雖然赫呢迢遠, 但是母親是我心內永遠的故鄉。---寫佇台灣台中---

Forever Missing My Former Nest---For my mother Lee Hsiu---By Su Chien-Yin

In July of this year, I went to Taipei to listen to a speech by my mother Lee Hsiu in The Literature Camp of North Taiwan. I could see that her remarkable achievement stems from her diligent work in the field of literature which she has researched for a long time. I was very impressed by her special style of speaking that makes her seem like a great actor to me. Moreover, she is a sincere teacher who abounds in knowledge. It was a successful lecture. I am proud of her accomplishments. After that, I missed everything about her when she returned to Vancouver.

My childhood was full of joy. According to my engineer father he wanted mother to teach him to play the piano, but mother’s focus was always on me and my brother. When I was an infant, I was hugged in her arms listening to her as she played the piano. As she guided my fingers on the keyboard I was taught to sing Do Re Mi.

When we were adolescents, my younger brother and I could distinctly hear our mother’s wrong key while she played the Mozart Sonata. Visiting the countryside, we both often played the same tones as running water, bird songs, the sounds of insects and so on. I wonder if our skills with sounds came from being exposed to music even before we were born. Surely, I know that the three of us playing together is such a treat for her: I play the cello, my brother plays the violin, and she accompanies us on the piano. Moreover, she has one wish that when she leaves this world the last sound she hears will be us playing for her.

When I was studying at Boston Conservatory in 1994, she traveled from Taiwan to visit me. After she landed at the airport, she immediately required a “English only” game: We must speak only English, no Taiwanese. Later when we were walking along the Charles River, I was punished by having to eat ice cream in minus 15 degree Fahrenheit cold, because I broke the rule. She really is a person who never feels tired when learning or inquiring about the truth of things. Her goal is to catch up to me.

Even though she is a quick-tempered woman, she is very patient with our mischievous behavior and pays more attention to our learning environment. Now I am a teacher at a junior high school. Facing a group of unruly students, I deeply appreciate what she gave us - careful consideration of everything whether trivial or important.

In my life, both marriage and work resulted in my moving to central-Taiwan, while Mama moved to Canada after she retired. Although I am unable to rejoin my mother in Canada, I know her whereabouts and her how she is doing in English studies from my brother, who also moved to Vancouver. Mother is like the music of the far-away home that flutters around my heart as if forever seeking its former nest. －Written in Taichung in 2005