以覺知之名 In the Name of Awareness

[顏雪花Catherine Yen]

(The wavering woman, by Max Ernst)

 

以覺知之名 In the Name of Awareness

 

我們有能力看透一個人的錯誤與脆弱，並且可以向他指明他的計謀與行為是多麼空虛；但你很難將這類人從時間的空隙拉出來，因為他身上藏著一種狂熱，一種不由自主地讚美自己的狂熱，跟他的本能一樣根深蒂固，跟他的偏見一樣年久日深，這種狂熱份子對自己的存在充滿熱情，在特有的驕傲中藏著虛偽的高雅，且自以為勝券在握。自戀的人常以為世界上一切活著的東西都熱愛自己，這種在生命的深處或表層為非作歹的恐怖，常很難輕易被察覺，然後這種人樂此不疲，這種獲勝的姿態，猶如從糞坑裡冒出來一般，失敗的人卻要為他們不肯沾污的純潔付出代價。

那些猛發申請「褒獎」表格給自己的人，在台上唱著一次次微不足道的勝利，他們常 “自以為是”的以為自己高人一等，其行動的源頭總禁不住無意識地自詡為宇宙的中心、理由、或終點，其本能的反射與狂傲把自己一小塊血肉與意識化成星球，活著卻從看不清自己的大小，這類人身上沈睡的無知，醒來時，世界就多了一份邪惡。這些藉著榮譽與實質虛榮的弄臣，在瞬間以鐵絲網包裹脆弱而可憐的自尊，在夕陽下喘息。人的痛苦在於敏銳洞悉事物層層的底細，人的究竟，若無法與自己為敵，那將只是一具躺平的屍體——平庸的氣息與深刻的墮落！

 

庸俗是生活裡一種真實、存在的東西，也是某種人活力的本質元素。它可以使人接受世界裡的任何東西，一邊忍受生命的痛，一邊任自己被湧出的慾望左右，庸俗的人有一顆蠟做的心，可以鑄合在任何物體與各種存在之上，他的憐憫心滿是懷疑而不是愛，這是懷疑的同情與知識傲慢的後遺症，在決定與選擇中陷入狂亂，庸俗的靈魂經歷了自我的認同，然後倦怠、凋謝，最後讓宇宙都打起哈欠。
有一種人，生活在愛與恨、親密與疏離、理解與隔閡的矛盾中，他在冰雪與火焰中嚐盡慾望，這種人足夠了解恨，也了解毀滅，他更因此覺得偉大，並且滿足；他的精神經歷矛盾，靈魂經歷誑言，身體經歷錯亂，荒謬事物所揭示的存在，就是永無休止的挑釁，這種人因不曾在生命中或理念中找到自己的所在，只在自詡的自由中陶醉，其命運的形狀遠不如一顆星星的隨意。

某些人活著所表現的信任與希望——其實是撒謊與對自己撒謊，這類人追求生活，在細微處藏著魔鬼，在自以為陶然的氛圍中不斷以E字(excellent)稱許、讚嘆自己，然後為了掩蓋那些過於直接的疼痛，轉而投靠一些高雅的載體，而且是略顯陳舊、矯情的東西，這種慣於對隱密的疼痛加以對象化的作法，是習慣以文字在自己身上培養著對效果的嗜好的。

 

一個人要失去什麼，才有勇氣衝撞一切約定俗成的規矩？希臘哲學家第歐根尼‧拉爾斯(Diogene Laerce 200-250)是失去了什麼，而成為肆無忌憚的人，他如同知識之神，既純潔又放浪，以一種超自然的不馴，將他最深層的思想變成行動，沒有人比他更坦誠，同時也是一個我們本可以成為一個真正的人的例子，當然，如果不是教育與虛偽阻礙了人類的慾望與行動的話。犬聖氣度在學校裡學不到，尊嚴也一樣。這個曾經對抗亞歷山大與柏拉圖的人，在大庭廣眾之下陶陶自瀆，人是他思考和蔑視的唯一對象。柏拉圖稱他為「瘋掉的蘇格拉底」，但或許他本該被稱為「變得更真誠的蘇格拉底」，一個放棄善，放棄說詞，放棄城邦的蘇格拉底，因為蘇格拉底，就算他至為崇高，也依然中規中矩，依舊是位導師，一位楷模。但，第歐根尼，什麼也不教人，和犬儒思想的本質一樣，他的態度根源於「噁心」，也就是噁心「做人的可笑」。

 

一個不帶任何幻想，在思考人類現實的思想家，假如他打算停留在世界中，打算把神秘主義也排除掉，那他就可能只面對一種智慧、玩笑或苦澀，如果他選擇公共場域作為他的孤獨空間，那他便會不停地嘲諷他的同類，或散布他的噁心，這種噁心，因經歷了基督教和警察局，所以已不被允許了，二千年的誓言與條例，已沖淡了某種刻毒，何況，一個匆忙的世界，誰會停下腳步來回應這種放肆，品味這種狂吠呢？

對人理解最深的被稱為犬，這足以證明，從來沒有人有足夠的勇氣去接受他真正的形象，證明人從來都在拒絕真理。第歐根尼取下身上全部的裝備與姿態，在別人眼裡，他是一個什麼樣的魔鬼？！要想在各種領域中取得一個令人尊敬的地位，你必須是個戲子，遵守觀念的遊戲，再對一連串假問題興奮不已。人追求完美比全然的揮灑自我真是省力太多了！

 

很慶幸他出生在十字架豎起之前，因為天曉得，他這種嫁接在超脫之上，不會有一種出世的誘惑來勾引他變成一個普普通通的修行者，在後世被稱為聖徒。他是唯一肯讓我們看到人類醜陋面目的人，而犬儒的這些優點，早已被一種憎恨事實的宗教踐踏得面目全非，變得黯然失色，現在是否是該拿此「天犬」與真理對抗的時候了？

 

In the Name of Awareness

 

We have the ability to see through a human’s error and vulnerability, and can point out the emptiness of his tricks and behaviors; it is hard to pull him out from the gap of time because of the craze, an involuntary praise to himself was embedded, just like the deep-rooted instincts, or the long lasted prejudice, they are poignantly passionate with their own existence, hiding the hypocritical elegance in the pride and self-approbating as a merit. Narcissistic person often think all the living things are devoted to him (her), this kind of outlaw terror either in deep or surface life is difficult to be detected, and the person who has indulged himself (herself) endlessly in this way and his (her) gesture in triumph is just like coming out from the pit, yet the people in failure should contrarily pay for the purity that won’t be blemished.

 

Those who boldly praised themselves frequently and sang on the stage the insignificant victory once and again, they often too much self- esteemed their superiority and could not stop their unconscious self-proclaim as the world center, reason or terminus from their acts, they turned a small flesh and consciousness into a planet through an instinct reflection and arrogance, but never lived to see clearly their own significance or insignificance, and when the slept naivety in such person was awakened , the world would gain more evils. These jesters wrapped their fragile and poor dignities by barbed wires instantly through the honor and vanity and gasped in the sunset. Human’s pain usually comes from the keen insights, if people can’t be the enemy of himself,  he is only a dead body – that is a mediocrity and a fall!

 

Vulgarity is vital of certain people. It drives people to accept anything in the world; it tolerated the pain of life on the one hand, and being controlled by the cropped desire on the other. The vulgar have the hearts in wax that can be casted on any objects or various co-existences, his compassion is full of suspects rather than love, it is the sequela of suspected sympathy and arrogance of knowledge for which were sink into a frenzy while in decision and choice; the soul of vulgarity was through a self-recognition, then became fatigue, withered, and have the universe yawned finally.

 

There is people who lived in the conflict of love and hate, intimacy and alienation,   understanding and barrier , he has experienced the desire of snow, ice and flame, is enough to know hate and destruction, and he therefore felt he is great and suffice ; his spirits experienced the contradiction, the soul experienced the lies, and the body the confusion, revealing the existence of absurdity is an endless challenge, this kind of people never found his own existence in life or ideas but intoxicated in the self-indulged freedom, the shape of his fate is much less random as a wavering star.

 

Some people subsisted by showing trust and hope - in fact, they are lying and lied to themselves, these people pursued their living, hid the devil in subtlety, praised themselves “excellent” continuously under a self-approbated aura, and in order to cover up their pain, they instead relied on some elegant objects which were a little bit outdated and hypocritical, and the method as an object they used to hide the secret pain is accustomed to develop themselves a hobby of effectiveness by words.

 

What a person should lose then become courageous to crash all the conventional rules? Should the Greek philosopher Diogenes Laerce (200-250) have lost something then became unscrupulous. As the god of knowledge, he was either unrestrained or pure, he turned his deep thoughts into actions by an untamed, supernatural way; no one is more honest than he, and he is also an example of being a real man among us, of course, if human’s desire and behavior were not hindered by education and hypocrisy, the temperament of cynics as well as the dignity couldn’t be learnt in schools. The one who ever against Alexander and Plato was masturbated in front of the crowd, human is the sole object that he considered and disdained. Plato called him " the mad Socrates," but perhaps he should have been called " the more sincere Socrates," a person like Socrates who gave up benevolence , rhetoric and abandoned the city , that’s because Socrates, even if he was supremely noble, he was still disciplinarily confined, or to be a mentor, a role model only. However, Diogenes, had nothing to teach people but the cynical nature of thinking, his attitude was rooted in "nausea", that is also disgusting “ the ridicule of being a human”.

 

A thinker without illusion and thought about human’s reality, if he intends to stay in the world or to get rid of the mysticism, he might have to face a kind of wisdom, joke, or bitterness only, if he chose the public field as his lonely domain, he would constantly ridicule his own kind, or spread his nausea, and due to the nausea had experienced the Christian and the police office, so it had not been allowed. The two thousand years vows and regulations had diluted some spitefulness, besides, in such a rush world, who will stop to respond this defiance and taste the howl?

 

To know human profoundly is the dog, which is sufficient to prove that no one has the courage to accept his true image, and people are always rejecting the truth. Diogenes removed all his arms and gesture, wondering what kind a devil he is in others’ eyes ? ! In order to obtain a respectable position in various fields, you must be an actor, complying with the game rule, then feeling excited with a series of false issues. Man pursues perfection is much energy-saving than to completely explore himself (or herself),

 

He was fortunately born before the cross was set up, and heaven knows his attachment on the transcendence that the lure of new birth will not seduce him become an ordinary practitioner in the later known as a Saint. He is the only man willing to let us see the real ugliness of the people, and the advantages of the cynical had been trampled and overshadowed beyond recognition by a religion that hate the fact. Whether it’s the right time to get the “heaven’s dog” to confront with the truth?