10, 鬱卒的天星--臺英雙語童詩

[李秀]

鬱卒的天星
天星是一陣無聽話的囝仔
諴想欲落來自由的土地走走咧
但是予月娘老師罰徛佇天頂
目睭三不五時偷偷矣振動一下
但是身軀一點點矣攏不敢徒走

你看你的好朋友火金姑
快快樂樂飛到西飛到東
有時走去佮樹伯仔扭關係
有時好心閃燈火照人的路
有時會當參花姐仔搏感情

天星呀天星
以後上好做一个聽話的囝仔
到時你若真正會當落來土地
不但會當佮火金姑仝款好耍
到時我做你的朋友咱到陣來四界蹉跎

Unhappy Stars
The stars are not obedient children
They desire to come down and wander around freely on Earth
But Moon Teacher forces them to stand in the sky
Sometimes they dare to move their eyes
But they don't dare move their bodies

Look! Your firefly friends
Fly everywhere happily
Sometimes giving their light to people
Sometimes playing with Uncle Trees
Sometimes talking to Sister Flowers

Oh! My dear stars
You should become obedient children
If you come down on Earth
You could be like the firefly
Then you and I also could become friends and play together

[胡長松]

諴想欲落來自由的土地走走矣, 其中[走走[矣]]發音是[tsau2-tsau2-[ah]], 唸著小可怪怪, 我建議寫[走走--e]或[走走--咧], 請參考....

另外, 減采有人會考慮口語化, 建議[小星]改做[細粒星]/[星]或[天星], m過我認為寫[小星]非全然不可, 有時我會思考新詞的效果, 有可能會失敗, 毋過, 追求新語詞iah是語詞的新生命嘛是詩人的責任之一.....

[王立信]

寫了誠媠.小星.火金姑.樹仔伯.花姐.啊！真善美兮世間.亦感覺詩人追求真善美兮意志。

[李秀]

勞力誠媠的鼓勵佮指正